Love More, Fight Less: An Honest Review of the Communication Workbook for Couples

I have a confession to make. When Glen and I first started working through relationship books together, I was the one who bought them, handed them over, and then waited for him to be as excited as I was. He was not. He would read a chapter, nod, and say something like, "That was fine," and I would feel the familiar slump of another tool that was going to sit on the shelf. So when I picked up Love More, Fight Less by Gina Senarighi, I did not expect much. I expected another book that would tell us to communicate better without ever showing us what that sounded like at our own kitchen table.

What I found instead was a workbook that kept asking us to do something uncomfortable: actually talk to each other, out loud, with the book open between us. Some of it worked beautifully. Some of it we skipped. And some of it made us laugh so hard we had to put the book down. That is the honest version, and it is the version I want to give you, because every review I read before buying made it sound like a cure-all. It is not a cure-all. It is a set of tools, and like any set of tools, it works best when you actually use it.

How I Used It

Glen and I are not the kind of couple who does everything a book says. We are the kind of couple who reads a chapter, argues about what it means, and then tries the exercise with a heavy dose of skepticism. So when I say we worked through Love More, Fight Less over about six weeks, I mean we did it our way. We did not do every exercise. We did not do them in order. We skipped the ones that felt too much like homework and we lingered on the ones that actually started a conversation.

Our routine was simple. Every Sunday evening, after dinner, we sat down at the kitchen table with the book, a couple of mugs of tea, and no phones. We would read one section out loud, take turns answering the prompts, and then talk about what came up. Some sessions lasted twenty minutes. Some lasted two hours. The book does not tell you how long to spend, which I appreciated, because some conversations need more room than others.

The first thing I noticed was that the book is not written like a textbook. Gina Senarighi writes the way a good friend would talk to you, direct and warm, with a lot of specific examples. She does not assume you are in crisis. She assumes you are two people who love each other and have gotten stuck in the same patterns, which is exactly where Glen and I were.

The first session set the tone. We picked the argument we have had more times than either of us could count, which in our house is about money and Glen's long work weeks, and we worked through it the way the book asked instead of the way we usually do. Usually I start with the latest example, Glen defends the latest example, and twenty minutes later we are arguing about something from 2009. This time we slowed down and each said what the argument was really about for us. For me it was feeling like I came second to his job. For him it was feeling like nothing he earned or did was ever enough. We had never said either of those sentences out loud.

What Nobody Tells You About This Workbook

Here is the thing nobody puts in the Amazon reviews: this workbook asks you to be vulnerable, and it asks you to do it on a schedule. You cannot skim it. You cannot read it alone and expect anything to change. The exercises are designed for two people, out loud, and if you try to do them silently in your head, you will get almost nothing out of them. I know because I tried.

The second thing nobody tells you is that some of the exercises are genuinely hard. There were moments when I wanted to close the book and say, "Can we just watch TV instead?" The prompts about money, about the things we resent, about the ways we have hurt each other without meaning to, those are not comfortable. But here is what surprised me: the hard conversations were the ones that actually changed something. The easy exercises were nice. The hard ones were the point.

The third thing nobody tells you is that you will probably fight while doing this book. Not because the book is bad, but because it surfaces things you have been avoiding. Glen and I had a real argument in week three, about a pattern I did not even realize I had, and it was not fun. But we had that argument at the kitchen table, with the book open, and we actually finished it. That had not happened in years.

Ours came in week three. An exercise asked us to talk about how each of our families handled conflict growing up, and Glen made an offhand comment about my mother that landed badly. I went quiet, which is my version of slamming a door. The old version of us would have let it sit for two days. Instead, because the book had given us words for it, I was able to say, "That hurt, and I need a minute," and he was able to say, "I'm sorry, that came out wrong." We finished the exercise the following Sunday. It was not pretty, but it was the first time in years a fight had an ending instead of just fading out.

The hard conversations were the ones that actually changed something. The easy exercises were nice. The hard ones were the point.

What the Workbook Does Well

The biggest strength of Love More, Fight Less is that it gives you a structure for talking about things you usually avoid. Glen and I have been married for 31 years, and we still struggle to talk about money without one of us getting defensive. The book does not magically fix that, but it gives you a way to start the conversation that does not begin with blame. That alone was worth the price for us.

I also appreciated that Gina Senarighi does not pretend every couple is the same. The book includes exercises for different communication styles, different love languages, and different levels of comfort with vulnerability. You are not forced into a single mold. You are given options, and you get to choose what works for your relationship.

The writing itself is clear and specific. There are no vague instructions like "talk about your feelings." Instead, there are prompts like "What did you need from me last week that you did not ask for?" and "What is one thing you are afraid to tell me about our finances?" Those are the kinds of questions that actually start a conversation, because they are specific enough to answer.

We settled into a pace of one section a week, and I would recommend that to anyone. The first weekend we tried to do three sections in a single sitting because we were excited, and by the end we were both tired and short with each other. Doing too much at once turns the workbook into one more chore. One section, one conversation, and then leave it alone until next Sunday gave each idea a few days to settle before we added another one on top of it.

Where It Asks a Lot of You

I want to be honest about the parts that did not work for us. Some of the exercises felt repetitive. There were a few sections where I thought, "Didn't we already do this two chapters ago?" and I found myself skimming. If you are the kind of person who needs every page to feel new, you might find yourself getting impatient.

The book also assumes a certain level of emotional vocabulary. If you and your partner are not used to talking about your feelings in specific terms, some of the prompts might feel like a foreign language at first. We got through it, but there were moments when I had to stop and say, "What does that word even mean?" and we had to work through it together.

And here is the biggest thing: the workbook only works if both people show up. I know that sounds obvious, but it is the thing that makes or breaks this book. If one person is doing the exercises and the other is just nodding along, you will not get the result you are hoping for. This is not a book you can do to your partner. It is a book you do with your partner.

If your partner is the reluctant one, I have one suggestion that worked in our house. Do not hand them the book and ask them to read it. Pick one exercise yourself, read it out loud at the table, and do your half first. Glen was skeptical of the whole idea for the first two weeks. What changed his mind was not anything I said about the book. It was hearing me answer a question honestly, including the parts that did not make me look good. People tend to match the honesty that is in front of them.

How It Changed Our Sunday Evenings

The most surprising thing about working through this book was not any single exercise. It was the habit. Six weeks of sitting down together on Sunday evenings, with the book open and the phones in the other room, changed the way we talked during the rest of the week. We started checking in with each other more. We started saying things out loud instead of letting them sit and fester.

I do not want to oversell it. We are not suddenly the couple in a romantic movie. We still have arguments. We still get on each other's nerves. But we are better at finding our way back to each other, and I think the workbook deserves some of the credit for that. It gave us a shared language for talking about the hard stuff, and that language has stayed with us even after we finished the book.

Week five is the one I think about. We had a busy month, a family birthday and a deadline at Glen's work, and we nearly skipped. We sat down anyway, tired, and did the shortest exercise in the section. It took fifteen minutes. At the end Glen said he had been dreading the week and that sitting there with me had been the calmest part of it. That was not something the book promised. It was just what happens when two people keep showing up to the same table on purpose.

Who This Is For

This workbook is for couples who are willing to sit down and do the work together. It is for people who have tried talking about their problems and gotten nowhere, people who love each other but have fallen into the same arguments over and over, and people who want a structured way to reconnect. If that sounds like you, I think you will get a lot out of it.

It is also for couples who are not in crisis but want to be better. Glen and I were not on the brink of divorce when we started. We were just stuck, and this book helped us get unstuck. You do not need to be at rock bottom to benefit from learning how to communicate better.

It is also a good fit if you have read the big-name marriage books and agreed with every page without changing a thing. That was us for years. Reading about good communication is easy and pleasant. Doing it, out loud, with the person you are annoyed with, is a different skill, and a workbook forces the doing part in a way a regular book does not. If your shelf already holds a few relationship books with tidy bookmarks halfway through, this is the kind that gets you to finish something together.

Who Should Skip It

If you are looking for a book you can read alone and have your partner magically change, this is not it. If you are not willing to set aside time to actually do the exercises together, you will be disappointed. And if you are in a relationship that involves abuse, safety concerns, or serious mental health issues, please do not use a workbook in place of professional help. I am not a therapist, and neither is this book. Some things need a licensed professional, and there is no shame in that.

I would also say this: if you and your partner are not both on board, wait. Do not buy the book and try to convince someone who is not interested. It will just create more resentment. Wait until you are both ready, and then do it together.